10. We have out of control children. My husband and I have worked very hard at developing good behavior in our children. It is very important to us that we not be that "obnoxious big family". We discipline with explanation and affirmation. What do I mean by that? We always want our children to understand why they are being disciplined and for the consequence of their behavior to be clear (in age-appropriate language) and logical (fitting of the "crime"). We also want them to understand that we still love them. That our love for them is not conditional. Don't get me wrong. We get mad. Sometimes really mad. But no matter how angry or disappointed or even hurt we are, they are still our child and we cannot love them less.
In public, our children know that the rules are still the same. They still try to test us, but the rules of good behavior apply everywhere and despite my mood. This can get exhausting! When you're tired and want to say, "Because I said so. Now go to bed." Oh...that would be so much easier! At least for the moment. But when the same thing happens the next night, it doesn't seem like it's a very good method.
We get a lot of compliments at restaurants. I am not trying to be snobby. You'd be surprised how many people stare at you when 9 of you sit down to a meal, especially at a pizza buffet! Our children ask to leave the table, use fairly good manners (haha) and clean up after themselves. Even at a restaurant where someone else cleans the table. We stack our plates and clean up the floor. We even wipe the table if we are messy. Why? We believe that our witness to our faith is as much in the everyday things as in sharing about who Jesus is.
9. We have no self-control. People think we don't know how we got all these children. They have no problem commenting on our lack of control. One gentleman even suggested that my husband needed to sleep at the pastor's house. With a mischievous grin, I informed him that my husband was a pastor! The look on his face was priceless! We don't have seven children because we are not informed or self-controlled. My husband and I are both college-educated. We've taken at least one Biology class. We have seven children because we are blessed beyond measure with the joy and responsibility of raising young men and women who love God and desire to make a difference in their world.
8. We are overwhelmed and unhappy. There's a difference between busy and overwhelmed. We are busy. I think I would be extremely bored if I wasn't at least a little busy. We love being with our children. They are a complete blast! They make us laugh. They make us think. I love to see each one progress through development in their own style. Our lives do not revolve around them, which can be exhausting, but we include them in our lives. Early on in our parenting (we've only been parenting 13 years) we heard a great illustration. If your child is in the center of the family and the parents circle around them, you won't be able to reach around them as your family grows. If they are a part of the circle, the family can expand without loosing touch.
7. We can never go on vacation. We do go on vacations. Not to Hawaii or Europe. Our family really enjoys the simple trips. We don't camp, but we love state parks. Every winter we stay at a local state park. They have a 2 for 1 special during the off season and now have a family suite with bunk beds and 2 queen beds. We have cultivated some special memories and traditions there as well as a few other select destinations. It's not about the place. It's about the time spent together.
6. We can never go out to eat. As I mentioned earlier, we do go out to eat. We do tend to go places that don't require a tip. There are some special occasions when we budget for those kinds of restaurants. Because we don't eat out often, our children seem to appreciate it more when they do. There was a time when we had a little more disposable income and went out more often. Now that we don't go as often, I notice that they are discerning where they choose and are more grateful to go at all. Even Taco Bell is exciting!
5. We cannot give each child enough of our attention. We can't give each child our attention whenever they want it, that's true. Don't stop reading! If we did that, no one would get a complete sentence in. They learn to be patient and wait their turn because they know they will get the chance to express themselves. Not always easy in the heat of a sibling argument, but they can learn to wait.
4. We cannot give them everything they want. No we can't. What parent could or should? Just spend one Saturday morning watching cartoons with your children or go through the toy aisles. They want everything they see! I have yet to encounter a child who says, "I really don't need anything for my birthday/Christmas/any occasion." My children are definitely blessed with things to play with. Sometimes I have to remind them of the toys they have after they have been playing with pieces of wood (scraps from the house remodel make into great houses and games) or boxes (forts or Nerf gun war obstacles). I love to see the look on their faces when they get that one special thing they were hoping for. Better than a car full of presents to bring home from Christmas.
3. We cannot possibly afford this many children. Who can? My mother said to me, "Don't wait to have children until you can afford them. You never will." There's always something else you could be doing with your money. I find it a challenge to see how cheaply I can get things. I am not an "extreme couponer" or one of those people who doesn't spend any money for months at a time. It's like modern-day hunting and gathering for me. I love to come home and share with my husband the great deals we found that day. That is, if my children don't tell him first!
2. We should not bring more children into an already over-populated world. Check out the stats on Canada. They are not replacing themselves. Schools are closing because there are not enough students. Who's going to pay for their "free healthcare" when there are less people paying taxes? We are not trying to make up for the decreasing population in Canada, but I do think people just assume we are over-populated as a planet. We are doing are best to raise a generation of men and women who care for others and the planet God gave them.
1. We are crazy. Yep. We are. But not in the "have-them-committed-to-the-institution" sort of way. At least not yet. :)
*Disclaimer: I am in no way implying that you have to have a big family to raise a great one. I .can only speak from my experience of being from and now having a larger family. I realize that God calls everyone to their own family: 1 child, 10 children, no children. Regardless, I believe it is His plan for us to love, nurture and mentor a generation that loves Him with all their heart, soul and mind! My hope is that you find this post at least mildly entertaining and interesting.
