10 Things Every Parent Wants from Their Child's Therapist

In my nearly 17 years as a pediatric Speech Therapist, I have tried to learn as much as I can from my patients and their families.  In a recent discussion about a newer patient's previous therapy experiences (trying to understand what they worked on/what methods they used), her mother said something that has stayed in my mind ever since.  "There are therapists and then there are good therapists."  She went on to explain that her daughter had multiple therapists in various disciplines.  Some of them just came and did their job, while others she deemed as "good therapists".  So I started thinking about other parent comments throughout my tenure and even asked some of the families about what makes a good therapist.  Then I stumbled upon this article: http://parentingspecialneeds.org/article/54.  It really got me thinking.

The following list is in no particular order as I would not presume to know what is most or least important to each family.  My hope is that this list will serve to be an inspiration for those of us who are blessed to work with special children and their extraordinary families.  Inspiration to be better, to be exceptional, to be a blessing to all we have the pleasure to work with.  I also hope it puts into words the desires of the hearts of all who love a person with a disability.  I hope you will listen to your heart and advocate for the special person in your life who needs extra help to reach their full potential.  Help the "experts" in your life to understand your child, their needs, your hopes and dreams for them and how you and your family want to be involved in this process. 

10 Things Every Parent Wants From Their Child's Therapist:
1. Care about my child.  Be happy to see them.  Smile.  Greet them.  Give a high 5.  Let them hug you.  Hug back.  Be genuinely concerned when we get bad news and genuinely happy when we have a victory.  Remember my child's birthday.  None of us are guaranteed another year, but it is especially precarious for some children.
2. Care about my family.  Remember things that are important to us.  Know me by name (not "mom", "dad", "grandma") and my other children's names.  Talk to my other children too, it's not always fun for them to go to the numerous appointments we have each week.  Remember doctor's appointments and ask about them after.
3. Be good at what you do...know your stuff.  Take the time to research things you haven't seen before.  Pick courses to attend that will help you better meet my child's needs.  Share what you learned with me.
4. Admit what you don't know...then look it up.  I won't think you are less of an "expert" because you don't know it all.  I want to know that you are willing to learn, that's all.
5. Push my child to succeed.  Expect him to.  Don't give up on my child.  Don't accept that she can't learn.  Look past the behaviors.  Look past the attempts to distract you.  Realize it's hard for my child, but keep trying.
6. It may be your job, but it's my child.  Be passionate about what you do.  My child knows when you aren't.  We know when you aren't.  
7. Give me reasonable things to do at home.  Seek to understand my home situation.  Realize that I have other children or a sick parent I am taking care of.  Understand that I have multiple appointments in my week for my child.  Give me things to do so that I can feel successful and not defeated.  Watch my body language, listen to my stories of the week we just had and tailor the homework accordingly.  
8.  Resource me.  Help me find other resources for services, funding, supplies, parenting help, respite care, family counseling, etc.  Send stuff home with me.  Whether it's copies of what you are using at therapy or things you make (daily schedules, social stories), I appreciate it all.  I realize you don't have to anything outside of our session.  Go above and beyond my expectations.  
9. Appreciate the small steps my child makes, as well as the major breakthroughs.  Verbalize the small steps my child is making toward his goals.  It helps me to see them and to know that you see them too.
10. Take into account what is important to us when making your goals.  It may be toilet training, wearing her seat belt, saying his phone number, interacting with children at school or church, saying family members' names, writing her name, being able to go up and down the slide at recess, or being able to eat with the family.  I appreciate all that you know about my child's development and progressing through skills, but I also appreciate you asking what is important to us.

For professionals, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this.  That speaks a lot about you and your desire to meet the needs of the children and families we serve.  I hope this motivates you to be every improving how we do what we do.  So pick the thing that stood out to you and work on that.  For me, I have trouble remembering names.  So a colleague of mine passed along that she had written the parents' names in red marker on the outside of the chart.  I copied her idea and have been practicing using their names in our conversations during therapy.  It really is the little things that make the difference.  I also set up a parent resource bulletin board in the waiting room which we stock with articles about parenting classes, special diet recipes, advocating for your child, financial planning, support groups and many more relevant and timely topics.  Please post any ideas you have found that really worked for you in the comments section.


For parents, I hope this resonates with you.  I hope it validates how you are feeling.  Please feel free to comment below and add your experiences.  I have tried to speak positively about what parents want and not  focus on what therapists are not, so please phrase your comments that way.

Finding your Purpose

 

 I have been reading a book by Max Lucado called Cure for the Common Life: Living in Your Sweet Spot.  I am a huge Lucado fan, but this is becoming one of my favorite books yet.  I am captivated by how he talks about finding your life's purpose in such an eloquently simple way.  I know...it doesn't make sense!  If you've ever read one of his books, you totally understand what I'm trying to say. 

One of my favorite things to do is to challenge people, especially young people, with finding how God can use their gifts for His glory.  This book does just that.  Lucado starts with the illustration of a suitcase that is full of all you need for your journey.  God has packed your suitcase with all the gifts and talents you need for your journey.  He doesn't give you your mother's suitcase or your brother's.  He packs each person's suitcase, uniquely, with the things that make you...you.

As the book continues, he encourages us to do what we enjoy and are good at.  How simple that sounds, but we try to make it so complicated.  We take tests and complete questionnaires to find out if we are doing what we were made to do.  Lucado advises, "See your desires as gifts to heed rather than longings to suppress, and you'll feel the same joy.  So go ahead; reflect on your life.  What have you always done well and loved to do?"

What great advice!  Why do we try to make it so difficult?  Why does a stay at home mother who loves to nurture her children and provide a peaceful home for her family worry that she isn't using her degree and not living up to her potential?  Why does a teenager who loves to bake not consider college for the culinary arts because it's just a silly hobby?  Why does the man who enjoys restoring furniture not consider making it his full time job?

Probably for lots of reasons: fear, uncertainty, finances, insecurity, "common sense".  But what else should you be doing, but what you love doing and are good at.

Here's a personal example.  I am first and foremost a believer in Christ, wife and mother, but I am blessed to have a career that I enjoy as well.  I am a pediatric Speech Therapist.  There are opportunities for possible "advancement" in my job.  I would have greater responsibility, more pay, and some amount of prestige, but it would also mean decreasing or completely stepping out of direct patient care.  I'm sure I could do the job, but would I be happy?  Would I be as happy managing other therapists or programs as I am when I hear a patient say a word for the first time?  Or help a patient return to eating?  Or learn how to interact with others?  Or be able to tell me what they want or need?  Or laugh and giggle when they conquer a challenge?  Or the hugs from these children that have a special place in my heart?

Can you see the disparity in the lists?  When considering the advancement, I came up with 3 pros.  There may be more, but those were the ones that quickly came to mind.  In about the same amount of time, I came up with many more reasons I love what I currently do.  (There were more, but I didn't want to bore you!)

Now, I don't know if I will always work as a Speech Therapist.  Right now, it allows my husband to stay in the ministry he is called to and provides our family with income and good health insurance.  It works for us now.  I am blessed to have the kind of profession that is in demand and is fairly flexible.  Some day, we may decide that we can and should be a single income family.  I would love to be with my family full time.  Right now, this is where God has called me.  I love what I do and feel confident in my skills.

Is it really that simple?  Maybe not.  We don't take the time to assess our skills and the things we enjoy doing very often.  Even if we do, we usually don't take more time to pray about how God could use those desires and talents for his purposes.

I never tire of thinking about these things and helping others to traverse the maze!  Take time to think about what you like to do and what you are good at.  Cure for the Common Life could be a great tool to help you in your journey of self-discovery.  I encourage you with this verse: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).  Not only does he have a plan, but it's a great one!