Finding your Purpose

 

 I have been reading a book by Max Lucado called Cure for the Common Life: Living in Your Sweet Spot.  I am a huge Lucado fan, but this is becoming one of my favorite books yet.  I am captivated by how he talks about finding your life's purpose in such an eloquently simple way.  I know...it doesn't make sense!  If you've ever read one of his books, you totally understand what I'm trying to say. 

One of my favorite things to do is to challenge people, especially young people, with finding how God can use their gifts for His glory.  This book does just that.  Lucado starts with the illustration of a suitcase that is full of all you need for your journey.  God has packed your suitcase with all the gifts and talents you need for your journey.  He doesn't give you your mother's suitcase or your brother's.  He packs each person's suitcase, uniquely, with the things that make you...you.

As the book continues, he encourages us to do what we enjoy and are good at.  How simple that sounds, but we try to make it so complicated.  We take tests and complete questionnaires to find out if we are doing what we were made to do.  Lucado advises, "See your desires as gifts to heed rather than longings to suppress, and you'll feel the same joy.  So go ahead; reflect on your life.  What have you always done well and loved to do?"

What great advice!  Why do we try to make it so difficult?  Why does a stay at home mother who loves to nurture her children and provide a peaceful home for her family worry that she isn't using her degree and not living up to her potential?  Why does a teenager who loves to bake not consider college for the culinary arts because it's just a silly hobby?  Why does the man who enjoys restoring furniture not consider making it his full time job?

Probably for lots of reasons: fear, uncertainty, finances, insecurity, "common sense".  But what else should you be doing, but what you love doing and are good at.

Here's a personal example.  I am first and foremost a believer in Christ, wife and mother, but I am blessed to have a career that I enjoy as well.  I am a pediatric Speech Therapist.  There are opportunities for possible "advancement" in my job.  I would have greater responsibility, more pay, and some amount of prestige, but it would also mean decreasing or completely stepping out of direct patient care.  I'm sure I could do the job, but would I be happy?  Would I be as happy managing other therapists or programs as I am when I hear a patient say a word for the first time?  Or help a patient return to eating?  Or learn how to interact with others?  Or be able to tell me what they want or need?  Or laugh and giggle when they conquer a challenge?  Or the hugs from these children that have a special place in my heart?

Can you see the disparity in the lists?  When considering the advancement, I came up with 3 pros.  There may be more, but those were the ones that quickly came to mind.  In about the same amount of time, I came up with many more reasons I love what I currently do.  (There were more, but I didn't want to bore you!)

Now, I don't know if I will always work as a Speech Therapist.  Right now, it allows my husband to stay in the ministry he is called to and provides our family with income and good health insurance.  It works for us now.  I am blessed to have the kind of profession that is in demand and is fairly flexible.  Some day, we may decide that we can and should be a single income family.  I would love to be with my family full time.  Right now, this is where God has called me.  I love what I do and feel confident in my skills.

Is it really that simple?  Maybe not.  We don't take the time to assess our skills and the things we enjoy doing very often.  Even if we do, we usually don't take more time to pray about how God could use those desires and talents for his purposes.

I never tire of thinking about these things and helping others to traverse the maze!  Take time to think about what you like to do and what you are good at.  Cure for the Common Life could be a great tool to help you in your journey of self-discovery.  I encourage you with this verse: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).  Not only does he have a plan, but it's a great one!

Remodling, Reconstruction or Rescue

No...it's not an abandoned house.  It is our home, under intensive remodel.  Right in the middle of it to be exact!  This is our 3rd venture into the world of "rescuing" a home.  The debate is always: is it cheaper to tear down and build new or throw an uncertain amount of money into the old house?  For us, we have chosen to rehab the old house for two reasons.  One is very romantic.  There is a sense of satisfaction to taking something broken down and abandoned, something others could not see the potential in, and making it beautiful.  The other reason is very practical.  We can more easily afford to put money in little by little than to afford a loan to cover a demolition and new build.

At this point in the remodel, my husband struggles with the decision a bit.  As the number of "surprises" mounts, his enthusiasm tends to wither.  Then, he makes enough progress and sees the fruit of his labor start to take shape.  As it starts to look more like a house and less like a war zone, we all start to imagine what it will be like to live there.  Where could the couch go?  What about the Christmas tree?  We start picking out paint colors.  That's when we get the much-needed energy boost to continue.

During our current project we have encountered almost any problem you could think of: wood rot, termite damage, water tank failure followed by water pump failure, leaky windows, uneven floors, etc.  Basically, it's a total gut and redo.

We have done it all.  And when I say we, I mostly mean my husband!  He loves to learn new things, to figure out how to work with what we have.  We have remodeled houses from top to bottom: roofing, siding, new walls and drywall, floors, digging out crawlspaces, replacing floor joists, evening out floors, jacking up one side of the house, laying tile, laying wood and laminate flooring.  Sometimes I wonder what isn't new on the houses that we have remodeled!  There are a few things that we don't do: well and septic (though we build an 8 foot retaining wall for the last house so we could put in a mound system).  I say that, but my husband is considering replacing the well pump since we got a quote...Yikes

We have been blessed by so many of our friends and our church's men's group who have helped us along thus far in the journey.  Some are great at demolition, some at clean up, some at roofing, some at drywall.  But they all come with big hearts and a desire to serve where-ever they are needed.  We appreciate everything they have done to help us in this journey!

The journey to the restoration of this 1860's farm house has been full of ups and downs, that's for sure.  But, when it's done, there is such a sense of pride and it's as close to exactly what we want as the structure will allow. 

Keep your eyes out for posts by my husband under "Dave's Corner".  Check these out for specific details of project how-to's and photos.  Some great information from a true Do-It-Yourselfer.

Social Stories

As a pediatric Speech Therapist that works primarily with children with Autism or other social disorders, I use social stories often. 

What is a social story? 
A social story is a  tool created specifically for a child or adult to address a behavioral concern, help with transitions or prepare the them  for a new experience.  I have written stories to help children wait in line at the store, only eat their own lunches, prepare for having a new bus and driver, and learn what to expect during their field trip to the zoo.  I have even written stories to help children understand what is happening in their bodies (i.e. wounds healing, puberty) to prepare them or diffuse any anxiety they may have.

How do you write a social story?
A social story should be positive, a list of "do's" not "don'ts" or rules.  Talking about what a child should do allows them to focus on the desired behavior(s) and not on the undesired ones.  For example, if the story says "I shouldn't hit my sister", it may cause the child just to focus on hitting his sister.  Conversely, if the story says "When I get mad at my sister, I can say 'stop it' or 'no'.  I can say 'I'm mad' or 'Leave me alone'.  I can talk to mom or dad about what happened.", it gives the child alternatives to hitting his sister without even mentioning hitting.

I write these stories in first person.  "I" refers to the child.  Making the stories personal makes reading them more fun!  The story should also talk about feelings.  How the child and others feel about the situation and resolution.  An example of the problem: "I get tired of waiting in line at the store.  I want to touch everything or look at things away from where mom is.  This makes mom upset.  She worries if she can't find me.".  The solution: "When I stay by mom and wait patiently with my hands in my pockets, mom is very happy.  She is proud of my behavior.  I like when mom is happy."  Also, I am careful to use language that the individual can understand...on their level.

I use lots of photographs in the stories.   Anyone who spends time with the individual may read the social story.  When possible, I like to use photographs of the actual individual and surroundings.  The best case scenario would be to photograph the child or adult in the actual situation.  This is not always possible.  When it is not, I try to at least have a photograph of the individuals involved in the story.  Google Images is a great resource for free photographs.  For example, if the child is going to a public place like the zoo or firehouse, you can find specific photos or really close photos of the destination.  I have also found some really good pictures of people experiencing different emotions.  You can search very specifically (i.e. hispanic angry girl, crying toddler boy) and find some really nice photos that will show what the story is talking about.

Who uses a social story?
Anyone who needs extra practice in positive social interactions.  They may or may not have Autism.  The child or adult does not easily learn to navigate the social jungle.  They do not understand common social standards and cannot read peoples emotions or intentions.  By rehearsing the positive social interactions portrayed in the social story, they can more easily learn the appropriate behaviors.  I am actually considering a social story about using a kleenex for my nose-picking 4 year old!

How do you use a social story?
Social stories are to be read many times.   Anyone who spends time with the individual may read the social story: a parent, grandparent, sibling, instructional aide, therapist, or friend.  Limiting the number of social stories to 1 or 2 at a time will help the individual to keep the information straight and not confuse the stories.  I learned at a conference that an individual with Autism needs up to 4 weeks to learn a new skill.  The repetition of the social story allows the child or adult to really learn the information presented as well as affording them opportunities to implement the information.

So, in a nutshell, my process is as follows: determine the targeted behavior to extinguish or encourage, write out the text of the story, add pictures and edit it so it is easy to read.

The link below takes you to an example of a social story.  Please feel free to ask any questions in the comment section.  Happy writing!

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=gmail&attid=0.1&thid=13c3a193d5557bcc&mt=application/vnd.openxmlformats-officedocument.wordprocessingml.document&url=https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui%3D2%26ik%3Df328575db5%26view%3Datt%26th%3D13c3a193d5557bcc%26attid%3D0.1%26disp%3Dsafe%26zw&sig=AHIEtbQ5WDcFyleuGQf_TO8CQgFYkyifpw

Feeding the 5000...well the 9 of us at least

Of all the questions and comments we get about raising a large family, people are often very curious about how we do meal time.  We don't run it like a cafeteria.  We don't have a commercial grade kitchen like the Duggers either.  There are 3 simple aspects to our meals. 

The first aspect of the meal is staffing.  By this I mean, which of our 2 oldest is in charge of helping or cooking the meal.  Once I know who is assigned to "meal" for the day, I can let them know what is on the meal plan.  When I am organized enough, they can read the meal plan...otherwise it's all in my head.  If it's a meal they know how to make, they can jump right into preparing the meal while I either help or complete another task.  There are always diapers to change, school papers to copy or something to be cleaned.  Having the big kids help with meals has really been helpful.  I am much more productive.  Even the littler kids help with setting the table or putting out plates and drinks.

The second aspect of the meal is quantity.  Many of our brood are still very young.  Thus, the quantity of food needed at this point is nothing compared to what it will be when we have multiple teens and pre-teens living under our roof!  Even now, we are doubling most recipes.  We choose to set up each plate then put it on the table.  I have found that serving family style allows my children to take less of the things I want them to eat.  They are always welcome to seconds, but are also expected to eat the reasonable portions on their plate.  But how much should each child be expected to eat?  I have read in several places that a child under 5 years should eat 1 tablespoon of each food per year of life (http://life.familyeducation.com/nutrition/nutrition/36616.html).  I also tend to not to put things like pretzels and chips on their plates.  Those foods are a reward for eating the "good stuff" and can fill up a little belly pretty quickly.  Also, we don't give our children milk at every meal or a even full cup of milk.  Milk also fills the belly and two of my girls would prefer to only drink milk.  This article from Parenting (http://www.parenting.com/article/got-milk ) states the U.S. dietary guidelines for dairy, milk and other dairy products, consumption.  I tend to limit milk intake due to the fact that we are not currently able to buy organic or raw milk.  The generic milk is expensive enough!



The third aspect of the meal is atmosphere.  All you Martha Stewart types just got excited because you are expecting me to tell about how to make beautiful centerpieces out of things you have lying around the house or how to sew a tablecloth from scraps of cloth or old baby clothes.  Well, you should probably try a different blog if that's what you're looking for!  When I talk about atmosphere, I mean setting the tone for family time.  There are times when we all watch a movie during dinner, but we limit those.  Meals are a time to catch up with mom or dad on their day, to talk about what we learned in school, to schedule our day or week, and to make each other laugh.  These are precious moments to me.  Right now our children are dependent on us for transportation, do not have jobs, and enjoy being with their family.  I hope the family meal lasts for the entire time they are in our home, but if it doesn't, we hope to have set the foundation for the relationships we have with our children.  You've heard the commercials and the experts sing the praises of  "The Family Meal".  It really has been a bonding time for our family.

Our food is not fancy.  Our table cloth is made of vinyl.  Our chairs don't match.

But the time together is priceless.

10 Misconceptions about Large Families

10.  We have out of control children.  My husband and I have worked very hard at developing good behavior in our children.  It is very important to us that we not be that "obnoxious big family".  We discipline with explanation and affirmation.  What do I mean by that?  We always want our children to understand why they are being disciplined and for the consequence of their behavior to be clear (in age-appropriate language) and logical (fitting of the "crime").  We also want them to understand that we still love them.  That our love for them is not conditional.  Don't get me wrong.  We get mad.  Sometimes really mad.  But no matter how angry or disappointed or even hurt we are, they are still our child and we cannot love them less. 
   In public, our children know that the rules are still the same.  They still try to test us, but the rules of good behavior apply everywhere and despite my mood.  This can get exhausting!  When you're tired and want to say, "Because I said so.  Now go to bed."  Oh...that would be so much easier!  At least for the moment.  But when the same thing happens the next night, it doesn't seem like it's a very good method.
     We get a lot of compliments at restaurants.  I am not trying to be snobby.  You'd be surprised how many people stare at you when 9 of you sit down to a meal, especially at a pizza buffet!  Our children ask to leave the table, use fairly good manners (haha) and clean up after themselves.  Even at a restaurant where someone else cleans the table.  We stack our plates and clean up the floor.  We even wipe the table if we are messy.  Why?  We believe that our witness to our faith is as much in the everyday things as in sharing about who Jesus is.
9. We have no self-control.  People think we don't know how we got all these children.  They have no problem commenting on our lack of control.  One gentleman even suggested that my husband needed to sleep at the pastor's house.  With a mischievous grin, I informed him that my husband was a pastor!  The look on his face was priceless!  We don't have seven children because we are not informed or self-controlled.  My husband and I are both college-educated.  We've taken at least one Biology class.  We have seven children because we are blessed beyond measure with the joy and responsibility of raising young men and women who love God and desire to make a difference in their world.
8. We are overwhelmed and unhappy.  There's a difference between busy and overwhelmed.  We are busy.  I think I would be extremely bored if I wasn't at least a little busy.  We love being with our children.  They are a complete blast!  They make us laugh.  They make us think.  I love to see each one progress through development in their own style.  Our lives do not revolve around them, which can be exhausting, but we include them in our lives.   Early on in our parenting (we've only been parenting 13 years) we heard a great illustration.  If your child is in the center of the family and the parents circle around them, you won't be able to reach around them as your family grows.  If they are a part of the circle, the family can expand without loosing touch.
7. We can never go on vacation.  We do go on vacations.  Not to Hawaii or Europe.  Our family really enjoys the simple trips.  We don't camp, but we love state parks.  Every winter we stay at a local state park.  They have a 2 for 1 special during the off season and now have a family suite with bunk beds and 2 queen beds.  We have cultivated some special memories and traditions there as well as a few other select destinations.  It's not about the place.  It's about the time spent together.
6. We can never go out to eat.  As I mentioned earlier, we do go out to eat.  We do tend to go places that don't require a tip.  There are some special occasions when we budget for those kinds of restaurants.  Because we don't eat out often, our children seem to appreciate it more when they do.  There was a time when we had a little more disposable income and went out more often.  Now that we don't go as often, I notice that they are discerning where they choose and are more grateful to go at all.  Even Taco Bell is exciting!
5. We cannot give each child enough of our attention.  We can't give each child our attention whenever they want it, that's true.  Don't stop reading!  If we did that, no one would get a complete sentence in.  They learn to be patient and wait their turn because they know they will get the chance to express themselves.  Not always easy in the heat of a sibling argument, but they can learn to wait.
4. We cannot give them everything they want.  No we can't.  What parent could or should?  Just spend one Saturday morning watching cartoons with your children or go through the toy aisles.  They want everything they see!  I have yet to encounter a child who says, "I really don't need anything for my birthday/Christmas/any occasion."  My children are definitely blessed with things to play with.  Sometimes I have to remind them of the toys they have after they have been playing with pieces of wood (scraps from the house remodel make into great houses and games) or boxes (forts or Nerf gun war obstacles).  I love to see the look on their faces when they get that one special thing they were hoping for.  Better than a car full of presents to bring home from Christmas.
3. We cannot possibly afford this many children.  Who can?  My mother said to me, "Don't wait to have children until you can afford them.  You never will."  There's always something else you could be doing with your money.  I find it a challenge to see how cheaply I can get things.  I am not an "extreme couponer" or one of those people who doesn't spend any money for months at a time.  It's like modern-day hunting and gathering for me.  I love to come home and share with my husband the great deals we found that day.  That is, if my children don't tell him first!
2. We should not bring more children into an already over-populated world.  Check out the stats on Canada.  They are not replacing themselves.  Schools are closing because there are not enough students.  Who's going to pay for their "free healthcare" when there are less people paying taxes?  We are not trying to make up for the decreasing population in Canada, but I do think people just assume we are over-populated as a planet.  We are doing are best to raise a generation of men and women who care for others and the planet God gave them. 
1. We are crazy.  Yep.  We are.  But not in the "have-them-committed-to-the-institution" sort of way.  At least not yet. :) 

*Disclaimer: I am in no way implying that you have to have a big family to raise a great one.  I .can only speak from my experience of being from and now having a larger family.  I realize that God calls everyone to their own family: 1 child, 10 children, no children.  Regardless, I believe it is His plan for us to love, nurture and mentor a generation that loves Him with all their heart, soul and mind!  My hope is that you find this post at least mildly entertaining and interesting.

Boy Time

I am always looking for things to do with my boys.  Just me and them.  With the girls it's easy.  They are happy to paint nails or dress up or go to a local coffee shop and talk.  Boys want adventure!  They want to build something.  They want to destroy something.  They would really like to set something on fire! 

For years, I have resisted gun play.  They were initially not allowed to have any toy guns.  I would even search out water squirters that looked like sharks or dolphins instead of guns.  Then came the Nerf gun phenomenon.  Those were allowable because they didn't look real and only had foam bullets.  A few Christmases later, I found myself purchasing 2 Red Rider BB guns.  I totally caved!

Taking time to aim.

You have to understand that neither my husband nor I grew up in a family that hunted or even had guns for protection.  But now we live in an area where there is a lot of opportunity to hunt.  Most of the families we spend time with own guns, usually for hunting.



Shooting cans gives immediate feedback.

So I decided that I needed to understand how to use the BB guns, all about their safety and function.  Our oldest son and I were doing some target practice and I discovered something.  I really like to shoot things!  Well, I like to shoot cans at least.  It was a great time with my boys (our younger son joined in too).  They loved learning a new skill.  Of course, within minutes, they had created a competition as well. 

It was really fun.  I didn't necessarily want to play with guns.  I had tons of things to do inside and could have easily occupied myself.  But it was so worth it.  Not just because it was fun.  Mostly because of the memories it gave my boys.  I want them to remember me as a mom who engaged in the activities that they were interested in.  Don't get me wrong, they are happy to eat the goodies I make during my times in the kitchen.  They just reallly appreciate the times spent learning about their interests, knowing them better.


Organizing Art Supplies

As a Homeschool mom, I am constantly frustrated that my children can never put their supplies away in the right boxes.  We have ample storage containers that are often empty.  No one seems to be able to find a pencil.  Crayons are always disappearing...probably in the same place as baby socks and earrings!  I am also a Speech-Language Pathologist who works primarily with Autistic and non-verbal children.  I tell you that so you will understand my preoccupation with pictures.  Autistic children can understand things so much better with pictures and children who cannot communicate with words or signs do very well with picture symbols.  I will post more on this later.  My hope is to have this blog much more organized very soon so that you can search by topic (I am still a newbie at blogging!).

So why haven't I put my mad visual support skills to use at home?  Maybe because I use it so much at work, that I am burnt out (not likely).  Or maybe I separate my home from work because we are blessed to have children who are all developing normally.  Whatever the reason, I have overcome it and have implemented visuals to help my children remember where to put their supplies.  Our children range in age from 21 months to nearly 13 years old.  All of our children are equally bad at putting things away!  Also, I have noticed that labeling with words doesn't work well, even for the ones who can read.  Maybe it doesn't catch their attention as well as the color photos.

My idea is this...put a picture of each category of supplies on each container.  Markers.  Pens and pencils. Crayons.  Glue, tape, and scissors.  Simple, right?  Then why did it take me so long to do it?  The million dollar question!

Here's how I did it:
1. Find images on Google Images.  When you find one you like, click on the largest image available.  The resolution is best when you copy the largest image.  You can quickly copy the photo by left-clicking and choosing "copy" from the menu (I would be happy to provide a more detailed explanation for the less computer-savvy among us).  Don't worry too much about the picture.  I get a little finicky sometimes and end up wasting time when the perfect picture is not that important.  It will not inhibit my children's ability to put away their crayons if it's not exactly like our crayons or if it has a very light watermark on it.

2. Paste the picture onto a document of some kind.  I was able to put multiple pictures on a page because I didn't need very large pictures to fit on the supply boxes.  Save a tree...one piece of printer paper at a time!  I prefer to print in color because younger children are better able to make the connection between the 2D picture and the equivalent 3D school supply.  This is especially true of the visual learner, especially individuals with Autism.

3. Cut out the pictures and adhere them to the boxes.  My boxes are plastic, so glue or decoupage would not work.  I happened to have some clear packaging tape on hand since we were preparing to move.  This has worked really well.

4. Organize the supplies according to the picture labels.  This is my favorite part!  I love the feeling that I get when I look in the school supplies area and see it so organized.  I just don't like doing it every week or so!

It has been over a month and one move later and it is still working!  I almost can't believe it.  They are not perfect, but when they forget, it is so much easier for them to put the supplies away in the correct place.  Success!

*To parents of, friends to, or professionals who work with individuals with disabilities:  I plan on posting ideas for using visual supports, social stories, and other communication helps.  If you have a specific need, please let me know.  I would love use the knowledge I have in this venue.